A Mother’s Empathy – A Son’s Grief

I just want to give an explanation of the short time deactivation of this site and one other I have.

In short, it was depression and a feeling of helplessness. My son called me crying (he’s 36 y/o) Sunday night because he had just found out that one of his best friends had passed away back in April 2017 and no one told him. He had continued to send group messages all this time to his friend, his twin brother, and their older brother with responses only from the older brother since just before the ones passing. And still never a word about the passing of the one. Out of respect for the family, I am not mentioning names. You’ll understand why as you read on.

Finally, on Sunday night, my son asked the older brother how the twins were doing – he had been assuming that they were just busy with their careers (one military) and families. He was told then that the one twin was no longer with them and that his passing was military related.

Understandably, my son was very upset. These guys are like brothers to him, even though they live a good 12 hour drive away, one way. My son and I assumed it was an accident on the base, so he did a Google search, to see if he could find a news article about it. He called me back after he found numerous articles about his friend’s death. He was absolutely inconsolable.

The twins are identical, except one is more heavily built than the other. The other, the one that died, being the military and family man. My son was crying harder than I can ever remember him crying before – even after the death of his own first born son, who passed due to chromosomal defects when he was only 5 weeks old. My son cried then, but he cried silently. He told me through his sobs that the one twin had killed (shot) the other. His best friend killed his other best friend during a moment of rage. The brothers were arguing. Now one is gone and the other is incarcerated, having surrendered peacefully to the police upon their arrival at the scene and indicted for murder.

I took every bit of my sons pain into myself, as is typical of people of my personality type. I felt his pain as if it were my own and I too became engulfed in a whirlwind of emotion. I did not know these three brothers as well as my son did, but we have known them for about 15 or 16 years. My son and his wife had attended the deceased twins wedding some years ago.

Monday, yesterday, I was still overwhelmed by the intensity of the previous nights emotions and all of my thoughts were on my son. He is my world! My everything! And without him, I couldn’t do what I do for animals. Without HIM, my life would have no meaning. And he’s hurting… I couldn’t think of anything else, but him, even as I struggled through my chores attending to my cats and dog. So I deactivated every online social activity I had going, even Manny’s Menagerie (after just reactivating a couple days before).

We don’t know, at this time, what the twins were arguing about. At this point it really doesn’t matter. We may not understand why it happened, but we still love the jailed twin. There is every possibility that he will spend the rest of his life behind bars, or even get the death penalty. If he gets life, then he has to live the rest of his life with the guilt and shame of having killed his own twin brother. He’s going to have to do that no matter how much longer he has to live. The older brother didn’t do anything wrong by not telling my son the truth about what happened. We understand that, even 20 months later, something like this is very hard for a family to deal with, much less talk about.

My son and the twins met online back when Final Fantasy XI was huge and had just come out for PS2. They played many video games together over the years, developing a close, brotherly relationship. The last video game they played together was ESO on PS4. This is something non-gamers don’t think about when they sneer and frown at people who spend as much of their free time possible gaming. Gamer’s become close friends with those they may never meet face to face – sometimes, they even become family!