A Mother’s Empathy – A Son’s Grief

I just want to give an explanation of the short time deactivation of this site and one other I have.

In short, it was depression and a feeling of helplessness. My son called me crying (he’s 36 y/o) Sunday night because he had just found out that one of his best friends had passed away back in April 2017 and no one told him. He had continued to send group messages all this time to his friend, his twin brother, and their older brother with responses only from the older brother since just before the ones passing. And still never a word about the passing of the one. Out of respect for the family, I am not mentioning names. You’ll understand why as you read on.

Finally, on Sunday night, my son asked the older brother how the twins were doing – he had been assuming that they were just busy with their careers (one military) and families. He was told then that the one twin was no longer with them and that his passing was military related.

Understandably, my son was very upset. These guys are like brothers to him, even though they live a good 12 hour drive away, one way. My son and I assumed it was an accident on the base, so he did a Google search, to see if he could find a news article about it. He called me back after he found numerous articles about his friend’s death. He was absolutely inconsolable.

The twins are identical, except one is more heavily built than the other. The other, the one that died, being the military and family man. My son was crying harder than I can ever remember him crying before – even after the death of his own first born son, who passed due to chromosomal defects when he was only 5 weeks old. My son cried then, but he cried silently. He told me through his sobs that the one twin had killed (shot) the other. His best friend killed his other best friend during a moment of rage. The brothers were arguing. Now one is gone and the other is incarcerated, having surrendered peacefully to the police upon their arrival at the scene and indicted for murder.

I took every bit of my sons pain into myself, as is typical of people of my personality type. I felt his pain as if it were my own and I too became engulfed in a whirlwind of emotion. I did not know these three brothers as well as my son did, but we have known them for about 15 or 16 years. My son and his wife had attended the deceased twins wedding some years ago.

Monday, yesterday, I was still overwhelmed by the intensity of the previous nights emotions and all of my thoughts were on my son. He is my world! My everything! And without him, I couldn’t do what I do for animals. Without HIM, my life would have no meaning. And he’s hurting… I couldn’t think of anything else, but him, even as I struggled through my chores attending to my cats and dog. So I deactivated every online social activity I had going, even Manny’s Menagerie (after just reactivating a couple days before).

We don’t know, at this time, what the twins were arguing about. At this point it really doesn’t matter. We may not understand why it happened, but we still love the jailed twin. There is every possibility that he will spend the rest of his life behind bars, or even get the death penalty. If he gets life, then he has to live the rest of his life with the guilt and shame of having killed his own twin brother. He’s going to have to do that no matter how much longer he has to live. The older brother didn’t do anything wrong by not telling my son the truth about what happened. We understand that, even 20 months later, something like this is very hard for a family to deal with, much less talk about.

My son and the twins met online back when Final Fantasy XI was huge and had just come out for PS2. They played many video games together over the years, developing a close, brotherly relationship. The last video game they played together was ESO on PS4. This is something non-gamers don’t think about when they sneer and frown at people who spend as much of their free time possible gaming. Gamer’s become close friends with those they may never meet face to face – sometimes, they even become family!

 

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God On The Mountain

Probably one of the most truthful songs ever written. Do not despair – God is still God and always the same, whatever you may be going through…

Life is easy, when you’re up on the mountain
And you’ve got peace of mind, like you’ve never known
But things change, when you’re down in the valley
Don’t lose faith, for you’re never alone

For the God on the mountain, is the God in the valley
When things go wrong, He’ll make them right
And the God of the good times
Is still God in the bad times
The God of the day is still God in the night

We talk of faith way up on the mountain
Talk comes so easy when life’s at its best
Now down in the valleys, of trials and temptations
That’s where your faith, is really put to the test

For the God on the mountain is the God in the valley
When things go wrong, He’ll make them right
And the God of the good times
Is still God in the bad times
The God of the day, is still God in the night
The God of the day, is still God in the night

LRandle1

Updates for Manny’s Menagerie

I have reactivated Manny’s Menagerie (obviously) but I want to give some updates on various things.

First – Manny’s lip ulcer is flaring again and he will be going to the vet next week for his usual depomedrol shot. It took two shots over the course of about six weeks last time to clear it up, so we think he may be becoming resistant. Just one usually does the job and he only gets the shot when he needs it. We don’t keep a scheduled regiment, due to the risk of kidney issues. I’m going to see if we can get a better estimate of his age while we are there. He was a minimum of five years old when he adopted me back in 2008, but quite possibly several years older.

Second – there will be some changes in my subject matter on this website and Manny’s Facebook page.

On Facebook, subjects will be limited only to those things that pertain directly to the animals of the menagerie, interesting, cute, or funny animal related articles and videos, and sharing of our kitty and doggy friends pages and posts. There will be absolutely nothing more about Heather Miller and her incompetent, deceitful, and cruel ways.

On this website, my usual subject matter will remain (gaming, music, fun stuff, even animal welfare and more), but there will be nothing further about Heather Miller. I have  some things I will be adding under “Faces of Innocence” in time, because, emotionally, I feel I need to, but beyond that I am out of the Miller issue. She is in hiding and there is nothing to report on and, should anything crop up, I will leave it to Spotlight on Miller’s Safe Haven, on Facebook, to cover it. This does not mean I do not care about those animals, nor am I turning my back on them – anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows how much those animals mean to me and this has not been an easy decision. But it is one that I had to make in the best interest of my emotional well being and survival. I must reduce my emotional stress and distress. I was already emotionally fractured before Boo Boo’s sudden death. I am now broken, almost completely, and I still need healing and that healing is going to take quite some time. But it won’t happen, at all, if I don’t reduce my emotional burdens.

I have always put the welfare of animals as my priority – 35+ years of doing so – and ignoring my own emotional needs in regards to the grief that ensues when advocating for animals who are in a precarious, even dangerous, situation. It has taken it’s toll and, despite my abilities, I am still only human. Imperfect and, at the moment, broken.

EDIT – 04.15.2017: For the time being the “Faces of Innocence” section of this website is private.

There is a Christian song, one of my favorites, in which every word applies to my life (and others) right now and I am sharing that song with you at this time.

One Day At A Time

I’m only human, I’m just a woman.
Help me believe in what I could be
And all that I am.
Show me the stairway, I have to climb.
Lord for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That’s all I’m asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday’s gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.

Do you remember, when you walked among men?
Well Jesus you know if you’re looking below
It’s worse now, than then.
Pushing and shoving, crowding my mind
So for my sake, teach me to take
One day at a time.

One day at a time sweet Jesus
That’s all I’m asking from you.
Just give me the strength
To do everyday what I have to do.
Yesterday’s gone sweet Jesus
And tomorrow may never be mine.
Lord help me today, show me the way
One day at a time.